101 Nugs
by Broken Tourniquet
Summary: Modern AU! Leliana and Fem!Warden are married and have a house full of nugs. Having 101 of them is an adventure for both of them that they'd never trade for the world.


Bathe them? Warden might have protested if Cupcake hadn't proved her wrong abut nugs never getting dirty by rolling around in the dirt in their neighbors yard. Morrigan found this entertaining, but Alistair had been so absolutely fed up she had wondered if he and Cassandra might have been related if it was not for Cass teasing him as well and telling cupcake she was a good dog. This was no simple task however. She had to bathe every single one of their 'kids' and Warden was sure she had just lost her Friday of relaxation because of it not that she minded as it was her wife who asked. First up? Defiance.

"Defiance come here girl." She beckoned as she stuck her hand under the water to test it so it wasn't too hot or cold. The nugs all had to be given a bath with lukewarm water apparently as her wife instructed. It was just right! "Defiance?" She called again.

That was odd.. she turned the water and listened. She heard nothing so she stepped out of the big bathroom and was ultimately shocked at the sight. Her bedroom door wide open and not a single nug in sight. There were 101 of them how was there no sight or sound of them? It baffled her, but she knew very well the doors were all shut and locked leading to the outside world so they all had to be in the house. How exactly could nugs of various sizes and colors do this? She wasn't sure.

"Dreadwolfs tits." She exclaimed to herself. "You never cease to amaze me, the lot of ya."

Last week they had all piled on top of each other to make a nug pyramid and she nearly spit out her coffee passing as Leliana gave her a triumphant smile. The day before that she witnessed Nugget hold deathly still and have a staring contest with her for an hour that Nugget had won. If she didn't know any better she'd have assumed they'd take over the world if they didn't love her and Leli so much which was a thought. World domination by nug? That wasn't so bad.

Snapping out of her train of thought, she got on her hands and knees checking beneath the bed and found no sign whatsoever. Standing up, she rummaged through the piles of clothes she had yet to fold on their bed and found none there either. Perhaps their closet? none there either or underneath their tv stand? (you'd be surprised how flexible a nug really was). She sighed and stepped into the hallway.

The hallway closet was empty as was their laundry room. She had been careful enough to look behind the washer and dryer even the shelves that help their soap and cleaning supplies but nothing. She had spent a good thirty minute checking the house and all she could find, was a few dirty footprints that had been made by Cupcake when she came in jumped on Warden's lap and shook off quite a bit of dirt.

"This is ridiculous. There are one hundred and one of you how are you hiding?" It was a great question to be very honest. She had wondered how Nugs could hide this well when she had difficulty hiding eggs on Easter.

She saw a small streak of pink and her head immediately snapped to the door that led to their back yard. How had she forgotten about the nug door? She looked out of the door but saw nothing so she unlocked the door and stepped out. It was just as nug bare as the house she had just cleared. She gave a frustrated sigh. They couldn't have climbed the fence or jumped it so where the hell were they?

At the sound of the all too familiar happy whine, Warden turned around to find Cupcake jumping at her from their roof. She didn't have time to question it as she struggled to get her arms up in time to catch the nug. Thankfully Cupcake had hit her chest and she was able to wrap her arms around the little girl. Once she had recovered and surprisingly not fallen she held Cupcake up to check for injuries and was awarded her answer when a tongue licked her cheek. Cupcake was clearly the most defiant and craziest of their army yet.

"Girl," She exclaimed. She might have continued to lecture the nug (Leliana's habits had rubbed off on her) if she hadn't noticed the amount of nugs on the roof somehow managing their balance. "How in the world?" Of course...she had stacked some crates of old things up to fix the gutter the other day as they had no ladder and the nugs seemed to knock it over and run off with the ones she'd borrowed. They had hopped on those to reach the roof.

"Honey?" Leliana asked walking through the door to join her. Once she saw the sight she giggled. "Alright come down from there please?" The nugs had obeyed and happily rushed down to meet Leliana who bent over to pet as many as she could.

"Wait that's not all. I remember we had many more." She stated as Leliana pet Cupcake in her arms.

"This is about twenty of them. The others like to hide in various places like the shed?" The warden hung her head for a moment feeling silly for not thinking they could find ways into places like that, Leliana chuckled and kissed her forehead. Leliana whistled and like that every single nug they had stormed out of their hiding spots to Leliana. Warden set Cupcake down and sighed.

The Warden sighed and sat down watching her wife prove her point of her being the nug whisperer after she helped her lay out a tarp. With a single word all of the nugs had lined up on the tarp from smallest to biggest and watched Leliana happily as she turned on the water hose and carefully sprayed them. It was like magic as well as making the Warden feel silly for not thinking about this earlier. She had easily soaped up the nugs per her wife's request and sat by the door with a towel ready. After they were rinsed off well they lined up at the door ready to be dried and go back inside.

"How do you do that?" Leliana took a towel from her wife and smiled shrugging. "I can never get them to mind me that well."

"Have you ever really said please to them?"

"Well no I suppose not."

"They love you as much as they love me but I use please so much with them that they're far too accustomed to it." As soon as she opened her hands Cupcake jumped into them and towel rubbing herself against it hinting that Leliana was being very slow at drying. "Oh, calm down young one, you are impatient."

"Scratch her chin she'll do whatever you want." The Warden suggested.

It actually worked and she was impressed. She hadn't known that about Cupcake which told her Cupcake had definitely spent more time with the Warden then anyone else. "Interesting." She smiled.

They continued in silence. Luckily when it was done there was a minimal mess of a few cans knocked over inside that was easily cleaned up. Leliana had wondered however if the Warden had actually thought the nugs would willing take a bath in the tub. Once she sat down and looked over at her wife who had Cupcake in her lap napping she smiled.

"How do you get her to mind?" The warden looked at the small pink creature and looked at her.

"The purple blobs on her back and on her chin are the places she likes to be scratched the most really. The rest of her cute pink skin doesn't really matter."

"So one other question," She already knew the answer. "Did you really think that they'd get into the tub?" The Warden instantly embarrassed and Leliana couldn't help but kiss her and laugh.


End file.
